The Family Under Attack

Sometimes our families find opposition from outside sources, but often times the biggest family crisis come from within. In my family we have seen many of these crises. One of the biggest ones was my parents’ divorce due to my father's mental instability. It was unsafe for the family to stay with him, so my mom had to make the very difficult decision to leave. This was hard on our family for so many reasons, but I found it very odd exactly how differently each of us reacted to the stress and pressure. After the move I felt like I had finally found my place in the world. I felt like I had more freedom now that there was an increase in security. My brother just younger than me reacted with anger and resentment with my mom and did everything he could think of to make her go back to my dad. Then there were my two little sisters, they both suffered from serious attachment issues and would latch onto any adult male that entered their lives. It baffled me that I could feel so liberated while the rest of my family felt beaten down by this. This can all be explained by the ABCX model that was developed by Rueben Hill (1958). This model says that Actual events plus Both resources and responses plus Cognitions equals total eXperience.  This means that events do not solely create emotions, but rather thoughts about the events play a major role in shaping our emotions about them. I was the only one of my siblings who fully understood why we left and that made it easier for me to appreciate the sacrifices my mom had made to protect our family. I had also decided to use this as an opportunity to grow myself. A lot of the outcomes, or our overall experiences, rely upon our agency to choose. As we realized how we think greatly affects how we perceive events. I would suggest then that exercising true agency requires mastery over your mind and thoughts. If you master your mind then once was a daunting task or tragic crisis can now be seen as a wonderous blessing.

            In the November 2005 Ensign Elder M. Russell Ballard wrote an article titled “What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest” (which I would suggest you all read).  In it he said that “Crisis or transition of any kind reminds us of what matters most. In the routine of life, we often take our families- our parents and children and siblings for granted. But in times of danger and need and change, there is no question that what we care about most is our families! It will be even more so when we leave this life and enter into the spirit world. Surely the first people we will seek to find there will be father, mother, spouse, children, and siblings.” In times of a family crisis we have the ability to come out stronger as a family unit than we were before. As we cope with situations together we can use each other as a support and strength. Coping does not merely mean getting by. Look at a coping saw for example, it is sturdy enough that it won’t break, but it is also flexible enough to cut intricate designs and patterns. To cope is to intentionally build something that will protect and grow. As families cope together they will be able to repair any damage from the crisis as well as build something even stronger and more beautiful. My family is now happy and we have all said on separate occasions that the divorce was a great blessing in strengthening our families. Just like diamonds are forged under pressure we can only grow and recognize our full divine potential through opposition and resistance. So next time you are faced with a daunting mountain take a deep breath, master your mind and press forward with faith that this is making you stronger.