Who should I marry?

This will probably be the hardest blog post I will ever write. You  know how Facebook has that silly little thing where you can look back and see what you were doing on this day years ago. Usually we look back at it to make fun of our hair or wonder what we were talking about in that vague post from our teenage years. Yesterday as I scrolled through mine I saw something that made me catch my breath for a moment, then made my husband question my sanity as I started bawling staring at my phone. The post read "Can't wait to start this new adventure! Thank you everyone for all of the congratulations and well-wishes." It was marked two years ago. I was eighteen. I graduated a semester early so I had been out of high school for five months at that point. And here is the real kicker, I had just gotten engaged. I had known this boy for two weeks and we were engaged. Poor niave me had everything all backwards. I wish I could go back to that time with the knowledge that I have now. So what exactly what went wrong? I didn't follow the Relationship Attachment Model (RAM)http://www.smartmarriages.com/uploaded/Avoid.Jerk.2004.pdf. The model shows that you need to know someone more than you trust them, trust them more than you rely on them, rely on them more than you commit to them and commit to them before you involve touch. With this boy I trusted, relied and committed more to him than I knew about him. As our engagement progressed I began to learn more about him. I learned that he was manipulative and controlling. Then the abuse started. It was a terrible experience, but a learning one. I learned that in order to have a loving committed relationship there are steps and orders, and if you do things out of order than it twists things and distorts your reality. I got out of that relationship and decided I would be alone forever. Forever did not last as long as I thought it would. a year later I met an amazing man and we began to date. I was very hesitant at first and kept my distance, but as I began to know him my walls came down brick by brick. Then he started to to earn my trust and I learned I could rely on him. Now we are happily married. No matter what previous situations are there is always a way to move forward. There is no answer about who you should marry, but the steps in the RAM can help weed out some of the bad ones and get us steps closer to our happily ever after. Also remember to relax and enjoy it because love  is fun.