Transitions of Relationships

I must admit, the transition from engagement to marriage was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. Part of that is due to all of the roles that have to change in order to form this new family. One thing we struggled with (and still are struggling with sometimes) was setting new boundaries for our mothers. Both of us have very strong relationships with our moms. I have had a very independent relationship from my mom for quite a while, but getting married meant that I would never be able to move back to Canada. The distance and separation is difficult. Then we have my husband who is definitely a momma’s boy. During our engagement we had a few problems with that. He had to learn to talk to me before going to her with problems. Another transition was talking to each other about concerns instead of just venting to friends.

I did not realize until after we were married how much should have been discussed beforehand and how much we still had to figure out. If I can offer a word of advice, discuss budgets and boundaries extensively during engagement because those things are harder to do in practice than they are to plan out with words. Being a fiancé means that you are still pretty independent, but during this stage you need to start becoming one with your future spouse because once you’re there it is so much more difficult to establish. Another thing we had to learn to do was share space together. Which in theory sounds lovely but is ultimately harder than expected.

Just before we got married we were sitting on the couch one day and Jonathon says he found some cute couch pillows. I commented that we didn’t even have a couch yet, but he said that didn’t matter because we were creating a home together. This really hit me. Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a little bit of an OCD control freak. I already had most of the furniture for our house and had the entire place set up and decorated in my mind. I realized that in order to make it our home we needed to do all things as a team, this included setting up our home. We unpacked together and got everything set up together. Now we both feel like it is our space instead of my house that he happens to live in as well.

The main thing in forming this new relationship and boundaries is just communicating. Talk to your partner. Show them that your relationship means enough to you that you are willing to listen to them. Be their partner in all things and respect them. Above all else this will create a lasting and loving relationship that will perpetuate into eternity.