Becoming Fishers of Men

What does Christ mean when he asks us to become fishers of Men? Usually our response to this would be that he asks us to find lost souls who are wandering and lost.This is true, we do need to help gather Israel, but that is not all it means to feed His sheep or become fishers of men. Matthew 4:18-20 says, "And Jesus, walking by the sea of Galilee, saw two brethren, Simon called Peter, and Andrew his brother, casting a net into the sea: for they were fishers. And he saith unto them, Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men. And they straightway left their nets, and followed him." The disciples were not only asked to bring people to the gospel, there was also a sacrifice involved.

The first step in spreading the gospel is being prepared to give everything for it. This is why we ask young men to leave their homes, friends and families for two years in order to serve missions. We must be committed regardless of the cost. When the disciples left their nets to follow their Savior they also left the simplicity of their former life. No longer were they ordinary fishermen whose biggest concern was what their nets brought in, now they would face persecution and the loss of their greatest friend. They were willing to give it all up for what they believed to be true.

Sometimes we have a willingness to serve, the humility to give everything, but feel insecure in our own abilities. In his talk, Christlike Attributes- the Wind Beneath Our Wings, Dieter F. Uchtdorf talks of Christ's invitation for the apostles to become fishers of men. He says, "I suspect that they had a feeling of inadequacy, as I deeply have, being one who has also been called to this sacred work. May I suggest that the Savior Himself teaches us here a lesson about core doctrine and priorities in life. Individually we need to first "follow Him," and as we do this, the Savior will bless us beyond our own capacity to become what He wants us to be." While we may feel like simple fishermen Christ reveals our true potential as fishers of men.

Parenting: is it worth it?

Twenty years down the road when I’m struggling with an obstinate teenager someone please remind me to come back and read this blog post. I know todays post will not apply to most of my readers right now, but some day it might and I think this information will come in handy. Also, any of you who are reading this and already parents I would love to hear your insights and know your tricks to building better relationships with your children.

                First of all why do children, especially teenagers act out? Is it because they’re just angry people who hate their parents and want everyone around them to be miserable? I don’t believe so. Michael Popkin created the active parenting approach to help parents respond better to misbehaving children. In this method he explained that children have five basic needs, and that when those needs are not met the children take a mistaken approach to obtain what they need. He calls this a mistaken approach because it is like taking soda on a hike, it will never satisfy you because it is not what you need. Popkin then gives advice on what parents should do to fill their children’s needs and avoid these mistaken approaches. First of all, children need contact and a feeling of belonging. When these are absent they turn to undue attention seeking. This usually manifests itself in children who are wiggly, climbing all over people and just a little bit obnoxious. My siblings used to climb all over missionaries or home teachers anytime they would visit our house, the more attention they got from this (which usually involved my mom yelling at them to get off) the more it occurred. Then we got a home teacher that would shake everyone’s hand the second he walked in the door and again when he would leave. After this the kids calmed down significantly. Popkin suggests that we offer contact to children freely, teach them to contribute and that their contributions mean something. My sister in law is a great example of allowing her children to contribute. My niece really wants some new play-dough, so for two weekends in a row Melissa has had her help to make cookies and lemonade to sell. My niece was told that once she saved a certain amount they could go get play-dough. Not only was she able to contribute by helping mom make cookies, but she was also responsible for earning her own money for something she wanted (plus the pictures of her at her little lemonade stand were just precious).

The second need of children is power. This power is the ability to change something in their environment by themselves. An absence of this power leads to rebellion or an attempt to control others. A solution to a child’s search for power is to offer them reasonable and realistic choices. My mom is a great example of this. Last summer she wanted to have very clear rules on electronic use, chores and bedtimes. But, she didn’t want to deal with all of the fights that would result in her just telling them what the summer rules were. Instead she told them that they were going to have a family meeting where they could present what rules they thought should be implemented and what consequences should be set in place if those rules were broken. My siblings had a blast making power point presentations and even dressing up to discuss the ideas. They then discussed all presentations and found something that made everyone happy.

These two steps to meeting the needs of your children are wonderful ways to begin. As in all things though, each child is different and those differences are what make them great. Don’t use a blanket one size fits all approach in rearing your children. Love them, pray for them and just do your best. That is all our Heavenly Father asks of us in the long run. I know that parenting is the biggest challenge we will ever face, but at the same time I am incredibly excited for it and know it is a huge blessing to raise children. I love you all and hope to hear your feedback as well! Thanks for coming on this journey with me.

Fathers

This week’s topic is one that is very near and dear to my heart. I will be discussing the importance of fathers. Without a father in the home there is often times more financial stress placed on the entire family. Without someone to share financial responsibility with the mothers have to go to work, this often results in children feeling abandoned by both parents. The mother also has no one to share the burden of providing and is at greater risk for feeling depressed and overwhelmed by all of the tasks she now has to take on.

Another risk of fatherless homes is behavioral problems in children. Girls who grow up in single-mother homes have greater risk of promiscuity and sexual devience. Boys who grow up in the same situations are often more prone to violence. A Key Commonality In School Shooters The Left Refuses To Address (https://www.dailywire.com/news/27586/fatherlessness-amanda-prestigiacomo?utm_medium=email&utm_content=022718-news&utm_campaign=position3) examines how most school shooters are males who grew up without a father in the home. The article explains that this is because the boys do not have anyone to show them how to channel their testosterone and are therefore left without boundaries.

This lack of boundaries for both boys and girls leads to intimacy struggles. Because they lack an example of proper relationships and expressions of love transitioning in to intimate relationships is often full of anxiety and questions on how to proceed. Absent Fathers: Effects on Abandoned Sons (http://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.1030.5399&rep=rep1&type=pdf) mentions that the birth of their first son is especially difficult for men who had no father in the home because they worry about how to connect and be a father figure.

With all of these things going on it is easy to see how children lacking a father in the home may also be struggling with self esteem. They feel like an essential piece in the puzzle of becoming a successful adult has been lost and they are not whole without it. Children also struggle with feelings of not being someone worth sticking around for, like maybe it is their fault that their father left.

When I was little I had the perfect dad. He worked hard then when he was home his attention was completely on his family. He taught me how to ride a bike, we played pranks on my mom and I always knew I could count on him to help me with my math. He was my hero and I did everything I could to make him proud. Then, around the time I was eight he had his first mental breakdown. He kind of just shut off after that. He would jump from job to job, each one requiring less and less effort. When he was home all he would do was sleep and yell. Our home became very different. By the time I was fourteen my parents separated because it was no longer a safe environment for anyone to live in. I was hurt. I used to tell people my real dad had died and been replaced by someone who looked exactly like him but was the complete opposite. I was so sad that my younger siblings would never know or remember the great dad I had, but at the same time I thought in some ways that must be easier.

In a short period of time my hurt and sadness turned into anger and resentment. I felt like he had betrayed our family and I stopped visiting him. I struggled for a long time with self esteem and relationships. I felt that if my own dad, my hero, didn’t even want me then who would. I also did not trust men, at all. I didn’t know how long they would be like a wolf in sheep’s clothing, just hiding all of their problems until it was too late and I was trapped. For this reason I vowed never get married. Slowly as I began dating my heart started to soften, then a boy would mess it up, or my dad would do something irrational again and I would be right back to my resentment. Finally, I realized that I was being more hurt by getting angry over his actions than I was by him directly. After that realization we made a rule in our house, unless dad is doing something that is directly harming you just ignore it. Its been amazing how freeing this rule is.

Now I am married to the most amazing man who is working two jobs while enrolled in school full time so that he can provide for our family. I have been thinking a lot lately about how I will encourage and support him in being a positive role model for our children. One thing I think is very important is ensuring that he always has time to interact with them. If it comes down to earning a little extra money by working on a Saturday or spending time with the kids I will always choose the family time and make it very clear to him that I do not resent it in the least.

Other things we are starting now are daily scripture study as a family and preparing family home evening lessons for the future when we have children. My dad rarely if ever joined us for family prayers, scriptures or family home evening. It is important to both of us that we have both of those along with dinner together every night. One of the best things for our children will be to see us working together as a team in love and support. I know that father’s are essential in the home and that their role is not to be undermined or taken for granted.

Proper Communication

Do you ever feel like you're pouring your heart out to someone and they are just not understanding. Communication is difficult, but it is also necessary in relationships. In order to communicate you need to encode a message and send it to the receiver through some sort of medium, then the receiver must decode it. A lot of issues come in when the receiver does not decode the same message that the sender encoded. Luckily in order to help us decode messages we can watch facial expressions, body language, hear the tone of their voice and receive the words they are speaking. All of these things come together to get us closer to the encoded message. This is one of the problems with texting, or even phone calls. When you use those medium it takes away one of our essential tools of decoding. 

With no visual or vocal tone cues we get easily lost and miscommunications spring up where they would easily be avoided.

So what do you do when miscommunication happens and an argument starts to arise? Let me suggest that you use the five keys of communication. First: The disarming technique. To use this you find the truth in what they’re saying, it doesn’t matter how ridiculous their words sound, there is always at least a little kernel of truth in it. So find the kernel of truth and acknowledge it. My mom is the perfect example of this. My brother would throw a fit every time he got in trouble, whining that she hated him and he was always punished more and on and on. She told him that he was right, he does get punished more than the rest of us. He was stunned.  This will throw them off so much that it will give you the opportunity to move on to step two. Step two is to have empathy with their thoughts and feelings. My mother instantly swooped in and said that it must be hard to feel picked on all the time. She then transitioned effortlessly into step three which is a gentle inquiry. She asked him what they could possible do together to make it better, asked what made him lash out in the first place so that he was punished. They talked for a while about he felt. Them came step four, an I feel statement. These statements are best formatted as When  _____________ I feel___________ because________ I would like__________.  This step is very tricky, it is not meant to assign blame or make them feel bad, it is meant to clearly explain your feelings. The statement my mon gave was something like this, When you misbehave then yell at me I feel upset because it makes me think that I was not a good enough parent and that I did not do enough to teach you I would like for us to both use our words and hopefully you can talk to me instead of lashing out. Step number five is to express genuine appreciation and admiration. She told him that she really loves having him as part of the family and that she would never want to do anything to hurt him. The biggest key to that is that she was genuine and sincere.

The Family Under Attack

Sometimes our families find opposition from outside sources, but often times the biggest family crisis come from within. In my family we have seen many of these crises. One of the biggest ones was my parents’ divorce due to my father's mental instability. It was unsafe for the family to stay with him, so my mom had to make the very difficult decision to leave. This was hard on our family for so many reasons, but I found it very odd exactly how differently each of us reacted to the stress and pressure. After the move I felt like I had finally found my place in the world. I felt like I had more freedom now that there was an increase in security. My brother just younger than me reacted with anger and resentment with my mom and did everything he could think of to make her go back to my dad. Then there were my two little sisters, they both suffered from serious attachment issues and would latch onto any adult male that entered their lives. It baffled me that I could feel so liberated while the rest of my family felt beaten down by this. This can all be explained by the ABCX model that was developed by Rueben Hill (1958). This model says that Actual events plus Both resources and responses plus Cognitions equals total eXperience.  This means that events do not solely create emotions, but rather thoughts about the events play a major role in shaping our emotions about them. I was the only one of my siblings who fully understood why we left and that made it easier for me to appreciate the sacrifices my mom had made to protect our family. I had also decided to use this as an opportunity to grow myself. A lot of the outcomes, or our overall experiences, rely upon our agency to choose. As we realized how we think greatly affects how we perceive events. I would suggest then that exercising true agency requires mastery over your mind and thoughts. If you master your mind then once was a daunting task or tragic crisis can now be seen as a wonderous blessing.

            In the November 2005 Ensign Elder M. Russell Ballard wrote an article titled “What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest” (which I would suggest you all read).  In it he said that “Crisis or transition of any kind reminds us of what matters most. In the routine of life, we often take our families- our parents and children and siblings for granted. But in times of danger and need and change, there is no question that what we care about most is our families! It will be even more so when we leave this life and enter into the spirit world. Surely the first people we will seek to find there will be father, mother, spouse, children, and siblings.” In times of a family crisis we have the ability to come out stronger as a family unit than we were before. As we cope with situations together we can use each other as a support and strength. Coping does not merely mean getting by. Look at a coping saw for example, it is sturdy enough that it won’t break, but it is also flexible enough to cut intricate designs and patterns. To cope is to intentionally build something that will protect and grow. As families cope together they will be able to repair any damage from the crisis as well as build something even stronger and more beautiful. My family is now happy and we have all said on separate occasions that the divorce was a great blessing in strengthening our families. Just like diamonds are forged under pressure we can only grow and recognize our full divine potential through opposition and resistance. So next time you are faced with a daunting mountain take a deep breath, master your mind and press forward with faith that this is making you stronger.

Sex Education

I know that some of the people that read my blog may have a problem with how bluntly I am going to discuss some of the topics in this post, but that’s ok because sometimes you just have to be direct and say things. Today’s topic is important enough that it cannot be sugar coated or skirted around. Today I will be talking about sex. Did you know that many sex education programs are showing pornography and teaching children things such as how to masturbate? Children as young as kindergarteners. If this does not concern you then I am concerned about you. Many people believe that the sooner we “educate” children on every aspect of sexuality the better off they are. In contrast research has shown that premature exposure to sex leads children to feel isolated and vulnerable. Children who had their first sexual experience at an early age felt as if they had all of their power taken away while those who encourage these sex ed programs believe that it empowers children. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has put out a manuscript outlining proper and age appropriate guideline’s for sex education of children. It is called a Parent’s Guide (https://www.lds.org/manual/a-parents-guide?lang=eng).

Once children grow up and get married sex is good in that relationship, but new problems set in. The biggest issue is that of fidelity. Fidelity means faithfulness or exactness. One comparison is listening to records versus music today produced through our phones or radios. On a record what you hear is what there is, pure and unaltered. Today music can be autotuned and altered so that we cannot trust what is original. Fidelity is not simply not cheating, it is remaining true and open to your partner in all things. When we start sharing feelings and personal experiences with anyone besides our spouse an inappropriate relationship begins to form. In our marriages we need to remain cautious to keep our spouses the first ones we go to in all things. Throughout our lives we can be greatly impacted by sexual activities and we need to be cautious  and use wise judgement.

Transitions of Relationships

I must admit, the transition from engagement to marriage was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. Part of that is due to all of the roles that have to change in order to form this new family. One thing we struggled with (and still are struggling with sometimes) was setting new boundaries for our mothers. Both of us have very strong relationships with our moms. I have had a very independent relationship from my mom for quite a while, but getting married meant that I would never be able to move back to Canada. The distance and separation is difficult. Then we have my husband who is definitely a momma’s boy. During our engagement we had a few problems with that. He had to learn to talk to me before going to her with problems. Another transition was talking to each other about concerns instead of just venting to friends.

I did not realize until after we were married how much should have been discussed beforehand and how much we still had to figure out. If I can offer a word of advice, discuss budgets and boundaries extensively during engagement because those things are harder to do in practice than they are to plan out with words. Being a fiancé means that you are still pretty independent, but during this stage you need to start becoming one with your future spouse because once you’re there it is so much more difficult to establish. Another thing we had to learn to do was share space together. Which in theory sounds lovely but is ultimately harder than expected.

Just before we got married we were sitting on the couch one day and Jonathon says he found some cute couch pillows. I commented that we didn’t even have a couch yet, but he said that didn’t matter because we were creating a home together. This really hit me. Anyone who knows me knows that I can be a little bit of an OCD control freak. I already had most of the furniture for our house and had the entire place set up and decorated in my mind. I realized that in order to make it our home we needed to do all things as a team, this included setting up our home. We unpacked together and got everything set up together. Now we both feel like it is our space instead of my house that he happens to live in as well.

The main thing in forming this new relationship and boundaries is just communicating. Talk to your partner. Show them that your relationship means enough to you that you are willing to listen to them. Be their partner in all things and respect them. Above all else this will create a lasting and loving relationship that will perpetuate into eternity.

Who should I marry?

This will probably be the hardest blog post I will ever write. You  know how Facebook has that silly little thing where you can look back and see what you were doing on this day years ago. Usually we look back at it to make fun of our hair or wonder what we were talking about in that vague post from our teenage years. Yesterday as I scrolled through mine I saw something that made me catch my breath for a moment, then made my husband question my sanity as I started bawling staring at my phone. The post read "Can't wait to start this new adventure! Thank you everyone for all of the congratulations and well-wishes." It was marked two years ago. I was eighteen. I graduated a semester early so I had been out of high school for five months at that point. And here is the real kicker, I had just gotten engaged. I had known this boy for two weeks and we were engaged. Poor niave me had everything all backwards. I wish I could go back to that time with the knowledge that I have now. So what exactly what went wrong? I didn't follow the Relationship Attachment Model (RAM)http://www.smartmarriages.com/uploaded/Avoid.Jerk.2004.pdf. The model shows that you need to know someone more than you trust them, trust them more than you rely on them, rely on them more than you commit to them and commit to them before you involve touch. With this boy I trusted, relied and committed more to him than I knew about him. As our engagement progressed I began to learn more about him. I learned that he was manipulative and controlling. Then the abuse started. It was a terrible experience, but a learning one. I learned that in order to have a loving committed relationship there are steps and orders, and if you do things out of order than it twists things and distorts your reality. I got out of that relationship and decided I would be alone forever. Forever did not last as long as I thought it would. a year later I met an amazing man and we began to date. I was very hesitant at first and kept my distance, but as I began to know him my walls came down brick by brick. Then he started to to earn my trust and I learned I could rely on him. Now we are happily married. No matter what previous situations are there is always a way to move forward. There is no answer about who you should marry, but the steps in the RAM can help weed out some of the bad ones and get us steps closer to our happily ever after. Also remember to relax and enjoy it because love  is fun.

Feminism: Are We Going Too Far?

Oh feminism, you either love it or you hate it. I used to think that all feminists were radical and over the top, like the women in the video Men, Women and the Sex Difference by John Stossel (http://stream.byui.edu/VideoPlayer/BYUIplayer.html?StartCue=18&EndCue=2839&VideoName=5687_vcs&VideoType=libraryvideos). To me these women always seemed to have it so incredibly backwards. Men and women are different, many of these claims of discrimination just couldn't be true and honestly there really is no sexism left in the U.S. Those were all my thoughts. Then I saw it. It started when I got a job as a mover, doing mostly military moves. I was making $9.50 an hour doing the exact same job as the men whose starting wage was $15 an hour. I knew I was doing the exact same amount as the guys and my foreman often said how I he'd take me over any three guys on the team any day.  Next came the gates to the airforce base. I always drove because most of the guys had suspended licenses. We had to show our IDs when we stopped to get the trucks inspected and again when we drove through the gates. 100% of the time the IDs were handed back to a male even though I, as the driver, needed them to present at the gates. Finally, was the comments on how this was a mans job and maybe I was just there to supervise or get snacks. Now I understood the anger of the women in the feminist movement.
Now I was confused. I knew that men and women have distinct and eternal differences, I have the most trustworthy sources,  such as The Family: A Proclamation to the World (https://www.lds.org/liahona/2017/05/the-family-a-proclamation-to-the-world?lang=eng), that state that, "Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal and eternal identity and purpose." But now I had this view that some viewed me as unequal and maybe I needed to fight to make up for that. I struggled for a while trying to find a balance. And then it clicked. It is a balancing act. Yes indeed sexism still exists, some people (men and women), still act like women are incapable of doing things that men can do.I see that now. I also realize that the popular form of feminism currently involves degrading men and diminishing their sacred roles just as much as us women feel ours have been diminished. This is not the way to solve the problem. If we tip the scales too far one way or another than our divine nature inherited by the fact that we are God's children begins to be clouded. We each have infinite potential, we each also have unique talents. Some of those talents come from gender roles. We must learn of the gender roles assigned by God, then accept that each human has infinite worth and abilities. The key to the balance of these things is doing it with love, love for God and our fellow men. When we allow love to enter into our hearts instead of anger the issue of sexism and gender roles dissolves into a better functioning society.

Culture and Class

Every time I hear the words social class or socioeconomic status I cringe a little. I usually know what is coming next, a rant. The big speech about how "we as white American's have it so much better than we think." Lectures on minority groups and people in other countries who have it worse than all of us. Over and over and over again. It used to make me sick to my stomach that I did not fully appreciate what I had, but I've come to see it all in a new light. When I was twelve we were so poor that often the only food I would get during the week was the free school lunches. I could see my mom struggling to provide for her children without much success. At that time I was too young to legally work anywhere so I took beads I had inherited from my grandma and started selling homemade jewelry to help pay for groceries. That was around the first time I heard of socioeconomic status in a social studies class. The teacher guaranteed us that no one in the room fell below the poverty line, then I went home and asked my mom about it.

After several years of teachers telling me I was mistaken about our financial situation because they could tell by how I acted and my appearance that I was obviously middle class or higher I gave up joining conversations on status. Our class and culture are not simply skin tones and wealth, they are so much more than that. The way we act, what we believe, every little aspect of our lives plays into our culture. Some parts of our cultures can be changed, things like whether we believe in God. Other parts are more difficult, like wealth or race. We are all parts of many different cultures, we have the ones inside our families, the ones with our friends, the culture of our work environment. All of these cultures build on each other to mold us into who we are. Take a look at your family cultures and decide what parts of it have affected your reactions to things outside of your family. For example, in my family we wash the dishes immediately after every single meal. Because of this culture I've grown up with it drives me crazy when my husband will walk away after a meal without doing dishes.

This was just a simple little example, but it brings up the question. What part of our current cultures are we going to continue to pass on to future generations and which parts do we feel we could do without. Within my family on my mom's side we have a culture of being close knit. My mom lives on the same street as her mother and her sister and they visit each other daily as well as making frequent phone calls to other siblings. I hope to carry that emphasis of family into my own home as I raise my children. Because of our previous circumstances my family has developed a culture of humility and gratitude which I also hope to keep moving forward. Unlike the characteristics of our family culture there are some things that I hope to do without in the future. We have a tendency to be reserved and shut off from others, I hope to be able to change that and become more open in my interactions. I would also strive to set aside the need to be right. As we take a look at our current cultures we can examine what is working and what is not, then we can make changes towards forming better and more cohesive cultures in the future.

Communication is Key

This week I have been focusing the impact my communication has on my relationships. Everything we do within our families has an impact, it just may not be the impact we think. There are lots of theories involving the interaction of families, the one that catches my eye the most is the family systems theory. This theory states that,"the intimate group must be analyzed as a whole; the group has boundaries that distinguish it from other groups" (Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy by Robert H. Lauer & Jeanette C. Lauer, p.20).  This confused me at first, but as I dove deeper I realized how much sense it makes. According to systems theory we do not react independently of the individuals in our family and each part acts as a piece of the whole.

I decided to conduct an experiment using this theory. I used the family mapping system developed by Salvador Minuchin to map my family's relationships and subsystems at the time of my parents' divorce. (See page 236 for a family map example).  After  my map was complete I asked both of my parent if, at the time of the divorce, they perceived their relationship to be rigid, permeable/clear or poor/ diffuse. After receiving both responses I gave them a quick run down of the mapping process I asked them to each create their own. The results amazed me! While on my map I had said my parents relationship was far too open and boundaries were unclear they both thought that it was very clear. My mind was blown. This opened up a conversation as to why we each felt the way we did about the relationships. Talking about these things would have saved a lot of stress in the long run.

My little experiment got me thinking. How do I better communicate in order for my family systems to be as healthy and functioning as possible? Keep in mind that these are just my own thoughts and maybe someone out there has better ones that can help me. First I looked at my parents. My mom and I agree that we've always have a pretty clear relationship we just need to work on explaining when we're frustrated and why. My relationship with my dad is usually quite rigid on my side and diffuse on his. We talked about meeting in the middle. I need to provide more than one word responses to conversations and he needs to hold back a little bit.

I think the first step in better communication is seriously evaluating exactly where you are. Talk to others about improving the communication in your relationships, be open to their position. My husband and I sat down to evaluate how we talked to each other and we found out that when I get stressed it seems to me like he retreats to avoid confrontation. To him he is giving me the space I need because he know that often times my stress is caused by anxiety and coddling me makes it worse. I thought he didn't care enough to talk about things, but really he didn't want to stress me out more.Misconceptions like this occur all of the time in every relationship. This loop of I do things because he does things but he only does it because of what I am doing only ends if we come at situations from the other persons point of view. I know that as we strive to understand where family members are coming from we will be able to better communicate with them.

How Important is Family?

Guys! Marriage is so fun. You get to torture one person for the rest of forever and they can’t leave. Its great! I made salmon burgers yesterday and my wonderful husband actually ate them even though he hates fish. Why? Because he loves me. Being totally serious now, marriage is a lot of work and I don’t think it comes easy to anyone. Every relationship will have ups and downs and you just need to ride them out together. If I’m being completely honest that used to absolutely terrify me.  I used to be one of those people that said they would never get married. I was never against the idea of marriage, but it always scared me. I was terrified that I would become committed to this wonderful person and make plans to live happily ever after then one day it would just all end. He would wake up one morning and just wonder why he had ever married me in the first place. Now I realize that this was just one of Satan’s many tactics to destroy God’s plan for marriage and family and honestly it is concerning how well it works.

Families are being attacked from every angle these days. Within the LDS church it is common to get married young, especially for those of us attending BYU Idaho. But even within the church we are seeing couples postpone having children more and more. Why is this? Sometimes it is because it is the Lord’s plan that that family not be blessed with children yet, but more often than not it is due to people with hearts in the right place but using their heads too much. They want children, but they want to be financially stable before greeting those waiting souls. Another thing that stops couples is the fear that they will not be good enough parents. My husband and I have struggled with both of these recently. We are excited to become parents but had decided to wait until after we both have our bachelor’s degrees and are a little more financially stable. We had it all figured out. Then we actually prayed about it and got a very different answer. Once we opened our hearts instead of just coming to a conclusion with our minds we were able to comprehend the Lord’s way, and the Lord will always find a way for his work to be accomplished.

Heavenly Father wants to send as many of his precious souls as he can to good and righteous homes so even before we have children we need to prepare our homes to be like that. One way to do that is by preparing ourselves. Margaret D. Nadauld said, “The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity.” (The Joy of Womanhood- Margaret D. Nadauld) Think of your mother and which of those attributes she possesses. Even those of you who are single can begin building those qualities within yourselves,

One thing we hear from the church on a regular basis is that we need to bring as many children into righteous families as we can support. Sometimes as members I believe we mistake this for having a large number of children (like six or more). That is untrue. The prophets will never tell us how many children to have or when to begin having them, they will simply encourage us to make the decision prayerfully and never ignore what the Lord prompts you to do regarding children. Still sometimes we feel such a pressure to raise large families that it becomes a source of major anxiety. When I was about sixteen I had some major health problems. Because of these I almost had to get a hysterectomy in order to stay alive. I struggled because I felt like I had failed in what I was sent here to do, bear and rear children. I knew adoption was an option but its expensive and I didn’t believe I could help as many children that way. There is no one right way of having or raising a family. All that matters is that we rely on the Lord first then fulfill his plan.

I know that family is important. They can provide a great source of support. The world has a trend against families today and it is frightening. These are definitely signs of the last days. This being said do not let that discourage you. The last days are coming, but that does not make it any less important that we stand up for what we believe in and support God’s views on families. Please feel free to add your thoughts on these topics to open the discussion on this even further.

All About Me.

All About Me!

       Hello all! I am a twenty year old first time blogger so I thought I would just start out with introducing myself. My name is Hannah (Searcy) Fitzen. I am currently still in the process of changing my last name after getting married on April 14. My husband's name is Jonathon Fitzen. He and I are both going to school at BYU-I. We love it here, especially as the weather is starting to become warmer. I am a transfer student from the University of Lethbridge in Alberta Canada and my husband is from Nampa Idaho. I am a child development major hoping to specialize in working with children who have autism and doing some play therapy. I'm also going for a minor in business and don't ask me how the two fit together because I am still trying to figure it all out. My goal with this blog is to provide funny stories and anecdotes on family life as Jonathon and I try to figure it all out. Along with this I wish to discuss some very important topics regarding families and create a safe environment for all opinions to be voiced. I hope you will join me on my journey to enjoy life and become the best wife and future mother I can be. Always feel free to leave comments. Until next time!

Hannah Fitzen